Pools & Sailboats

In 2002, my now ex and I were looking for a lake house and found one in a great neighborhood. It had a shared dock, above ground pool and a basement. Oh and a hot tub in the master bedroom.

That house - the pool specifically - imprinted itself on our daughter. Many boring details aside, we didn't buy that house.

The house we did buy was better suited for us and still on the lake. I was sold when I saw the view. 

The sellers took their fridge to Texas with them so we got a new one and set a delivery date.

The day came and we went to welcome the new fridge to our new home. While we waited for the delivery guys, the ex and I admired the lake view. It was a typical windy day in Tennessee and sailboats were out enjoying the crisp spring day.

I was at the front door checking to see if the fridge had arrived yet when I heard my daughter exclaim, "Momma! Momma! There's a sailboat in my pool!"

Sure enough there were several sailboats on the water - right out our very own back door!

She Said She Said

Yesterday I told you about my daughter dropping an F bomb.

Today I give you the pocket.

 

My ex and daughter were in the car going somewhere without me. I like to think it was Mother's Day or my birthday and they were out shopping for my gift. Or not.

As the story goes, the kid dropped something - a drink as I recall - and said, "Oh f*** it!"

When her dad regained his senses, he said, "I'm sorry. what did you just say?" 

She said she said "Oh pocket!" 

Knowing she'd be in trouble, not wanting to disappoint her dad and being the smart one, her answer didn't change.

Hmm...

Putting Her To Bed

Way back in 2002 or 2003 or so, I still put my daughter to bed. She was 4 or so and still sweet and innocent. So we thought...

My ex was on the couch watching TV while I gave the kid a bath. After the bath, I took her downstairs to say good night to her "da-da". 

True to the routine, she was slow and stalled trying to postpone the inevitable. I was used to it and didn't rush her. 

As we turned to go back upstairs, she stomped her feet and I saw the sulk start. She had been in a great mood most of the night. Quite the attitude.

"What in the world is wrong, Squirt?" I asked.

A few steps up, she answered with, "I'm not ready to go to f***ing bed!"

 

I looked at my ex still on the couch. He looked at me. Both of us were dumbfounded! I wanted to laugh because it was so cute and honest. But my 4 year old dropped an F bomb!

My ex finally said, "Well, she used it in the right context." True enough. 

I, of course, admonished her but didn't extract any punishment. She was just a little thing and really didn't know what she said. If happened again, I'd deal with it differently.

There's only been one other incident...

Stay tuned.

Our Enemy's Best Friend

"We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily 

into the trap of being our own worst enemies." - Roderick Thorp

Roderick Thorp is wrote The Detective and Nothing Lasts Forever. Both books were made into movies. The Detective book was filmed as "The Detective". Nothing Lasts Forever was filmed as "Die Hard". His filmography credits him with all the Die Hard movies. Just thought that was cool enough to share.

Back to the quote though...

I have only recently realized I am my own best friend and have been since I was little. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by the realization.

I've been my worst critic and hardest on myself. I've beat myself up and sent me into dark, ugly downward spirals. I've made excuses for not following through. I've accepted my shortcomings. I've lied to myself. I've cheated myself. I've hurt myself. I just haven't been very good to me. I've let me shoulder burdens that weren't mine. I've accepted guilt that didn't belong to me. And my enemy was ok with all of that. 

But I no longer am. Now that my best friend has emerged I know I don't have to put with that crap. Sure I still beat myself up and make excuses and hurt myself. Now though I am quicker to correct myself; to remind me that I'm not a bad person. I throw a life ring to me sooner when I feel pulled down into the spirals. Sometimes I have to picture me standing in front of me saying, "Stop right there, sista! You are NOT going down this road again." 

I don't do things out of obligation anymore so no more shouldering burdens unless I want to. And then it's not really a "burden" is it? See how that works? It's great! I don't end up hurting myself for not standing up for what I really want or need. Or both. 

I disciplined my daughter last week for not doing her "chores". Six months ago, I would have been wrought with guilt. Sure I could have justified it. But I don't have to anymore. The guilt is not mine to be had. Grace knows her responsibilities and there are consequences for not doing what she's told. I was right. She was wrong. Therefore, no guilt. Why should there be? I cannot control her actions. Only my reactions. 

She accepts my strengths and weaknesses without judging me. She tries to make my weaknesses less.

I encourage my best friend when I really don't want to do something. Even more, I question why my best friend doesn't want to do something to find the deeper issue - If I do this, will I hurt us? Am I sacrificing what we want or believe to satisfy another person? 

I now praise her for a job well done. I acknowledge more when my bestie does something right or good. Even the little things. 

Probably more importantly, though I've always done this, I take time for me. I seem to recognize better now when my best friend needs me time though. I fight for it harder now. I realize just how important it is for me to stay my best friend.

My BFF trusts me. Always has. I can make a decision instantly whether it's buying a house sight unseen or not doing something just because I don't feel it is right for me at the time. We just know. I also know that my first impressions of people are almost always wrong. 

I respect who I am and where I am from. I've always been me and had the attitude that if someone doesn't like who I am, tough tiddlywinks. I'm not changing for likes of them. It's their problem - not mine. 

My best friend loves me enough to know I'm not perfect and I never will be. She's comfortable with that. As a matter of fact, she loves the challenge in making me as perfect as I can be. She's optimistic like that.

She doesn't lie to me, though I may not always appreciate her honesty. She doesn't care that I have a bad hair day though she may make fun of it. All day long. We don't sweat the little stuff. And it's all little stuff. Yes, we're still hard on each other about some issues. Some issues we're not. I remind her there's no need to get ticked off. When she asks why not, I have the answers. 

I don't have to wake anyone up at 2 AM to cry on their shoulder and then apologize. I don't have to depend on anyone else taking note that I cleaned out the microwave. 

Being my own best friend keeps me from being my own worst enemy. I may have to get in my own face about stupid stuff, but that's what I'm here for.

Looking back, I see I've pulled myself through so much. No one's been there for me like I have - that's for sure! Like I had a choice of some sort... ;) That retrospect is what made me realize who I am - my own best friend. 

Are YOU you're own best friend? 

Fabulous Friday

Five things I'm grateful for today:

FRIENDS & FAMILY - the ones I cut up with, the ones I confide in, the ones that expose me to new & different.

PUPPY KISSES - No matter what the world throws my way, it's nothing a puppy kiss can't wash off!

TECHNOLOGY - I love words - writing, reading, studying. Technology lets me explore more of them quicker and easier.

SOLITUDE - I'm an introvert - what else can I say? I can't get enough quiet time. Though I did get a few good hours of good quality me time last night.

ME - I know that sounds conceited. I am proud of who I am - strong, independent, resourceful and a thinker.

What are YOU grateful for today?

Taking Turns

I found one of my journals from 2004. It was a tough year. It was just before my mom passed away.

If it's possible, I lived in several layers of denial. I stayed in Tennessee far removed from the situation even though I traveled to Atlanta at least every other weekend while she was in the mid and late stages of lung cancer. My brother was there. I didn't have to worry - I knew he'd take care of things. And he did. 

When we first learned Mom had cancer, she asked me to move back in with her and she would pay for my school, room and board. I said no and gave her my reasons. She respected my decision as far as I know. This was just over three years after my older brother Jay passed away in 1991. 

When Jay passed, I still lived in Atlanta and was by Mom's side through it all. I had to be. She was my strength, but I was hers too. We had the same sense of humor and supported each other through the ordeal.

I've never regretted not being there to help take care of Mom. If I were asked again, I'd give the same answer. I've never felt any guilt over it. I made a decision I knew was right for me.

What caught my attention in that journal was this - 

"...and how everyone at some point has to / needs to take care of their mom. I took care of Mom when Jay died. David certainly wasn't there. But David took care of Mom when she was sick. I certainly wasn't there."

Until just the other day, I didn't realize I did take care of Mom. I just hadn't put the two and two together. 

I took care of her in a state of grief, though she was amazingly strong. I was there for her emotionally. I was there for her when one of us had passed away and the other found comfort and support elsewhere. I listened and joked and cried with her.

David took care of Mom's affairs. The day to day she couldn't do anymore. Her medical needs. The paperwork. The doctor appointments. Hospice.

I was emotionally strong for her. He was administratively strong for her. I couldn't understood the insurance stuff - not the time for a huge learning curve! He did understand it all. 

He couldn't have handled the emotional side of Jay's passing where Mom was concerned. He tends to not talk about the heavy stuff where Mom and I had a need to talk about it - to get it out. 

We took turns being there for Mom in ways we could handle. Once again, God put us right where we needed to be.

The Smurf Massacre

In high school, my Spanish teacher was Ms. Brady. Very interesting lady and very well liked. She was tough and fair and had a great sense of humor. And a bit quirky. She owned a Python named Slick and she collected Smurf figurines. 

 

Yes, Smurfs. She had a whole shelf of them she collected over the years. I don't remember why she had them exactly but she protected them fiercely. Every now and then someone would sneak one out of her room just to see if she noticed. She did. And it wasn't pretty. 

My senior year I took AP (Advanced Placement) Spanish. There were five of us in the class - 4 girls and Jose. Three of us girls were pretty close. We decided one day to write a poem for Ms. Brady's Smurfs. I leave it for you below...

The Smurf Massacre

Roses are red

Smurfs are blue

We want 'em dead

How 'bout you?

We'll get out the rat traps

The pea shooters, too.

Then we'll see if Smurf blood is blue!

We'll string 'em all up

Punch 'em in the nose

And then after that

We'll hang 'em by their toes.

Papa's a whimp

Smurfette's a flirt

Brainy knows nothing

And Baby plays in dirt.

We love Gargamel.

Azreal's cool.

So we don't know why

You bring Smurfs to school.

We don't really mean it

It was all said in jest

We truly hate Gargamel

So give 'em all our best!

Luckily, Ms. Brady was smart and knew who wrote it and laughed it off as a senior prank of sorts. We had a lot of fun writing that poem. Probably during one of our "Culture Days" where we'd get Cuban gyros and bring them back to class. 

Ms. Brady passed in 2007 or so. I don't know what came of Slick or her Smurfs. I do know that she left a legacy of being a great person behind. Thank you for everything, Ms. Brady.