If you could have free, unlimited service for five years from an extremely good cook, chauffeur, housekeeper, masseuse or personal secretary, which would you choose?

My original answer to this question was a housekeeper, but then I realized it said FIVE years, not one. I thought maybe a cook. I trust my gut answer. I like to cook anyway.

Those who know me may think this should and would be my choice since I can get lost getting out of my driveway. And while a chauffeur would be nice, I don’t have a lot of traffic for the most part. I own a GPS and a cell phone, so I’m not without hope on finding where I am going. The guilt of having someone do what I don’t mind doing and feeling like an undeserving princess would wear on me. And people may think I’m a celeb or someone important. While I am in my world, the general population would see me as a fake and I won’t have that. I’ll leave that for someone else to enjoy.

A personal secretary would be disastrous. I feel I’m efficient and keep up with me and what is going on in my life just fine. I’d end up telling the secretary how to do her job because she wouldn’t do it like I would. I try to maintain a simple life and feel this option would only complicate it. I’ll let the families of 6 or 8 have this one.

I did consider the masseuse. I have 2 degenerative disks and my muscles affected by them do get tight every now and then. I had a physical therapist once tell me my shoulder muscles were “crunchy”. Eek. I’ve learned to manage that so I’m good there. The concept of a masseuse is like the chauffeur – I’d enjoy it, but it feels frivolous and over the top.

Let’s talk about the housekeeper though. Now this concept I can sink my teeth into. My house is log and about 1800 square feet and there’s a lot of wood – floors, ceilings, walls. It’s surrounded by trees which brings bugs and varmits and critters. I have dogs, cows, chickens, a cat, husband and a teenaged daughter.

This is the best for me. Think about it. My dogs want to be in the house, but they have dirty feet or they shed or slobber or drop kibble as they inhale their food. They won’t clean up after themselves no matter what I tell them. They don’t bathe on a regular basis so they stink. And I want them in the house. I want them to at least sleep in the bedroom with me if not in the bed. The mister will not even consider this. I want them to lay beside me while I watch TV or where they can see me while I work in the kitchen or do laundry.

A housekeeper could come in while the dogs romp in the yard during the day and take care of the mud and fur and drool. I can walk barefoot around the house without fear of stepping on debris scattered about.

The laundry would be done. The windows clean. Bathrooms sparkling. Kitchen immaculate. My bed made every day. If I tell this person, I want my kitchen shears in the flatware drawer, they’ll be there.

There’d be no dust for me to sneeze at. No dust bunnies. No toothpaste splattering the mirrors. (Oh, you know you have it too!) I won’t have to fuss at my kid about the bathroom not being a hamper. My husband shirts would all be ironed. Laundry would always be done.

Yep, a housekeeper is the way to go for me. I am now accepting applications…