Nibbles.
It was a brown wood sided restaurant
in Georgia somewhere. I remember sitting in the car in their gravel parking
lot, but have never eaten there. The sign was hand painted in white letters on
a brown background. There were several steps and a front porch running the
length of the building.
She’s also a stuffed bunny rabbit
that sits upright. Named after the restaurant.
The Easter bunny brought her to me when
I was 8 or so. We bonded. Yes, I bonded with a stuffed animal.
She was SO soft. She had 3 little
flowers over her left ear – yellow, green and orange. She’s white with brown on
the inside of her ears. Her big brown eyes are sweet and pull you right in. Her
cottontail rattles. A little brown triangle is her nose. Precious.
One time I noticed she was dirty so
I asked Mom if I could put her in the washer. Looking back, I cannot BELIEVE I
did this. How could I drown her and put her through such a tumultuous event?!?
I couldn’t wait for her to air dry so I put her in the dryer. That’s gut
wrenching just to write.
I pulled her out of the dryer and
sat on the kitchen floor and cried like a baby! Her ears had shrunk. Not a lot,
but I noticed. I was devastated. Traumatized.
Over the years, she lost an eye. I
didn’t want a button or anything else put there as a substitute. If she
couldn’t have her own eye, she didn’t need one. I’m a purist like that. The
barrier to keep her tail outside broke and her rattle could go inside her
little body – not far, but enough to muffle the rattle a little.
Then there was the almost house
fire. I’ll keep it short.
I had a bare bulb fixture I used as
a lamp in my room. I was changing the sheets on my bed one day and threw my 13
blankets on top of the fixture. While it was on. Genius I was. Nibbles was in
the mix. My favorite sleeping bag was ruined and some other blankets, but not
all. I guess there was enough heat to start a fire but not enough oxygen to
keep it going. A round patch of my lavender carpet was burned too. Nibbles only
suffered a first degree burn on her back flank. No holes, just a slight fur
burn. I’m sure I was upset but not nearly like I was when her ears shrank.
Nibbles and I were best friends. She
was always there for me. No matter if I was scared or happy or crying or mad.
Unconditional love. She got me through some pretty rough times. Fights with
friends, having to take pre-Algebra twice, divorce, etc.
I rarely made up my bed but when I
did Nibbles was always centered on the pillows. Especially in my adult years.
My friends knew not to mess with Nibbles. I’d hurt them if she was harmed. That
was her place in my life – front and center.
I was in the mall one day and saw a
guy at a kiosk, but I don’t remember why he was there. I stopped to talk to him
and learned he could clean the burn off Nibbles’s backside. I took her to him
and would pick her up in a week or so. It was torture to be without her, but I
did it. I told him how I shrunk her ears and still hadn’t forgiven myself.
Fur cancer. No one talks about it.
It’s a terrible, debilitating disease. It brings depression with it. Bouts of
crying, sadness, the hushed tones. You want to see it no matter how repulsive
it may be.
That’s right. Where she was burned
by fire, she now had a chemical burn – fur cancer. The fur was melted – all
brown and hard little clumps. I remember walking through the mall holding her
in utter disbelief. I wasn’t really functioning. My legs carried me under their
own power. I slipped into a depression. My poor sweet baby Nibbles.
Nibbles retired to the guest room so
it had some life in it. (Think Sally Field in bed in Forrest Gump.) She graced
the guest bed and was there to snuggle with when I took my naps there.
A few years later I did what I had
wanted to do with her for awhile. I had a shadowbox built for her. It’s black
with a purple lining and holds her steady. She now has a place of reverence.
She is protected. Away from fires and chemicals and puppies and the rest of the
harmful, dangerous world she used to live in.
Recently I went through a rough time
and needed my Nibbles. I almost took her out, but wanted to honor her new home.
Her protected area. So I left her there. Her spirit comforted me. Knowing she
would gladly come out of that box for me was enough. She is still there for me.
That’s all I need.
My gratitude and love to Nibbles
always.
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