If I have all the answers, why is what I say not trusted?

Those who are around me more than not seem to think I have all the answers. Which I do. But it started bothering me that they ask me “stupid” questions – questions that if I wasn’t around they could answer for themselves. (Yes, I believe stupid questions exist.) Questions that are easier asked than researched.

My perspective has changed so I decided to turn this around.

Statement:        Why does everyone think I have all the answers? 

Change:           Everyone thinks I have all the answers. I appreciate the confidence they all have in me; that they feel the same confidence I have in myself.   

However, they already have the answers they all need.

I have put my own twist on this and now answer the question with a question. Or I tell the person, “I refuse to answer that. You are smart - figure it out on your own. Sometimes I just don’t answer at all. Sometimes the answer is obvious or right there in front of them. I like to let them see it for themselves.

My daughter called me at work one day and asked where the honey was. Not IF we had any, which indicates she knows or at least thinks we have honey.

“Did you look in the pantry?” I asked.

She said, “No.”

“Why don’t you start there?” I replied. (I didn’t add “GENIUS!” She’s welcome.)

She said ok and I hear a drawer sliding out and almost immediately she says she doesn’t see it. I give her time to look a bit more. I’m not nice.

A minute or so goes by, but still no “Ah Ha! I’ve found it!”

Finally I give in a bit and tell her it’s in a glass jar.

Crickets.

“Gold top” I suggest.

“OH! There it is!”

If I hadn’t been available, she had several options:

1 – keep looking until she found it because she wanted the honey that bad

2 – back up and punt – use something else instead of honey

3 – have something altogether different for a snack

4 – go text or watch TV and forget about the honey / snack totally

5 – wait until I got home so I can take the honey out of the cabinet and fix her snack (my kid – and likely you do too – knows me well enough that she knew this was NOT an option. I’m not nice.)

She knew I could tell her where the honey was. She was confident in that. So was I.

Yet I can tell her the sky is blue and why and she doubts me.

My husband is the same. He asks me what shirt to wear so we can go run errands. He trusts me to give him an answer here.

But if I said, “Hey, wear this – we need to run some errands”, he says no, he wants to wear a different shirt.

Same shirt, same scenario – different outcomes!

How about the time he asked if I fed the cows.

Him:        Did you feed the cows?

Me:         Yep.

Him:        Are you sure?

Really? Did you hear some doubt in my answer? I didn’t. I don’t lie about taking care of those in my charge. The smart aleck in me wanted to say, “Nope. Just said that for the fun of it. I’ll go do it right now. Oh wait! I already did! Just like I said I did.”

I don’t hide my emotions. I have no filter. I don’t use a different voice for different situations and get different outcomes. It’s just not in my person. I know what I’m talking about. I know my answers are right. If I doubt myself, I’ll flat tell you. I am centered and this knowledge of me is enough.

How many times has your spouse or child looked for something and almost immediately asked where it is? How often are you purposed for a sounding board more than asked for a real opinion?