Our Enemy's Best Friend

"We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily 

into the trap of being our own worst enemies." - Roderick Thorp

Roderick Thorp is wrote The Detective and Nothing Lasts Forever. Both books were made into movies. The Detective book was filmed as "The Detective". Nothing Lasts Forever was filmed as "Die Hard". His filmography credits him with all the Die Hard movies. Just thought that was cool enough to share.

Back to the quote though...

I have only recently realized I am my own best friend and have been since I was little. I'm still a bit overwhelmed by the realization.

I've been my worst critic and hardest on myself. I've beat myself up and sent me into dark, ugly downward spirals. I've made excuses for not following through. I've accepted my shortcomings. I've lied to myself. I've cheated myself. I've hurt myself. I just haven't been very good to me. I've let me shoulder burdens that weren't mine. I've accepted guilt that didn't belong to me. And my enemy was ok with all of that. 

But I no longer am. Now that my best friend has emerged I know I don't have to put with that crap. Sure I still beat myself up and make excuses and hurt myself. Now though I am quicker to correct myself; to remind me that I'm not a bad person. I throw a life ring to me sooner when I feel pulled down into the spirals. Sometimes I have to picture me standing in front of me saying, "Stop right there, sista! You are NOT going down this road again." 

I don't do things out of obligation anymore so no more shouldering burdens unless I want to. And then it's not really a "burden" is it? See how that works? It's great! I don't end up hurting myself for not standing up for what I really want or need. Or both. 

I disciplined my daughter last week for not doing her "chores". Six months ago, I would have been wrought with guilt. Sure I could have justified it. But I don't have to anymore. The guilt is not mine to be had. Grace knows her responsibilities and there are consequences for not doing what she's told. I was right. She was wrong. Therefore, no guilt. Why should there be? I cannot control her actions. Only my reactions. 

She accepts my strengths and weaknesses without judging me. She tries to make my weaknesses less.

I encourage my best friend when I really don't want to do something. Even more, I question why my best friend doesn't want to do something to find the deeper issue - If I do this, will I hurt us? Am I sacrificing what we want or believe to satisfy another person? 

I now praise her for a job well done. I acknowledge more when my bestie does something right or good. Even the little things. 

Probably more importantly, though I've always done this, I take time for me. I seem to recognize better now when my best friend needs me time though. I fight for it harder now. I realize just how important it is for me to stay my best friend.

My BFF trusts me. Always has. I can make a decision instantly whether it's buying a house sight unseen or not doing something just because I don't feel it is right for me at the time. We just know. I also know that my first impressions of people are almost always wrong. 

I respect who I am and where I am from. I've always been me and had the attitude that if someone doesn't like who I am, tough tiddlywinks. I'm not changing for likes of them. It's their problem - not mine. 

My best friend loves me enough to know I'm not perfect and I never will be. She's comfortable with that. As a matter of fact, she loves the challenge in making me as perfect as I can be. She's optimistic like that.

She doesn't lie to me, though I may not always appreciate her honesty. She doesn't care that I have a bad hair day though she may make fun of it. All day long. We don't sweat the little stuff. And it's all little stuff. Yes, we're still hard on each other about some issues. Some issues we're not. I remind her there's no need to get ticked off. When she asks why not, I have the answers. 

I don't have to wake anyone up at 2 AM to cry on their shoulder and then apologize. I don't have to depend on anyone else taking note that I cleaned out the microwave. 

Being my own best friend keeps me from being my own worst enemy. I may have to get in my own face about stupid stuff, but that's what I'm here for.

Looking back, I see I've pulled myself through so much. No one's been there for me like I have - that's for sure! Like I had a choice of some sort... ;) That retrospect is what made me realize who I am - my own best friend. 

Are YOU you're own best friend?