Until Now

I never knew my father. My mom left him when I was about six months old. Despite Mom's diplomatic approach when I asked about him, I didn't miss much. And I really didn't care. I had my brothers and my grandfather who more than made up for my father's absence. 

Curiosity finally got the better of me sometime in 1996. He had an unusual name so I thought it would be easy to find him. That's another story for another time, but I did learn he died in 1983 or 1984. Oh well.

I shed no tears after finding that out. Though it did inspire me to wax poetic. Here's the one and only poem I wrote for my father: 

Until Now

One day you were there

Then you were gone

Did you even say good-bye to me?

The anguish you left behind

Laid deep within me

Until now.

It wasn't my fault

And yet I pay your moral debt.

I never needed you

Only closure from you.

All my life I have replaced you. 

Now they too are gone. 

Now I feel the 

Torment of your uncaring.

Ah, the pain you caused. 

Years I have been at peace with your absence

And at war with love. 

Until now.