Taking Turns

I found one of my journals from 2004. It was a tough year. It was just before my mom passed away.

If it's possible, I lived in several layers of denial. I stayed in Tennessee far removed from the situation even though I traveled to Atlanta at least every other weekend while she was in the mid and late stages of lung cancer. My brother was there. I didn't have to worry - I knew he'd take care of things. And he did. 

When we first learned Mom had cancer, she asked me to move back in with her and she would pay for my school, room and board. I said no and gave her my reasons. She respected my decision as far as I know. This was just over three years after my older brother Jay passed away in 1991. 

When Jay passed, I still lived in Atlanta and was by Mom's side through it all. I had to be. She was my strength, but I was hers too. We had the same sense of humor and supported each other through the ordeal.

I've never regretted not being there to help take care of Mom. If I were asked again, I'd give the same answer. I've never felt any guilt over it. I made a decision I knew was right for me.

What caught my attention in that journal was this - 

"...and how everyone at some point has to / needs to take care of their mom. I took care of Mom when Jay died. David certainly wasn't there. But David took care of Mom when she was sick. I certainly wasn't there."

Until just the other day, I didn't realize I did take care of Mom. I just hadn't put the two and two together. 

I took care of her in a state of grief, though she was amazingly strong. I was there for her emotionally. I was there for her when one of us had passed away and the other found comfort and support elsewhere. I listened and joked and cried with her.

David took care of Mom's affairs. The day to day she couldn't do anymore. Her medical needs. The paperwork. The doctor appointments. Hospice.

I was emotionally strong for her. He was administratively strong for her. I couldn't understood the insurance stuff - not the time for a huge learning curve! He did understand it all. 

He couldn't have handled the emotional side of Jay's passing where Mom was concerned. He tends to not talk about the heavy stuff where Mom and I had a need to talk about it - to get it out. 

We took turns being there for Mom in ways we could handle. Once again, God put us right where we needed to be.